National Shite Day
Half Man Half Biscuit
D Am C F, D Am C F D Am C Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on F D Am C F Spindrift stinging my remaining eye D Am I finally managed to reach the station C F D Am C F Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down D Am After wondering to myself whether or not it should C F Actually be called a train replacement service D Am I walked out onto the concourse C F D And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with Am C F Probably by a junior employee. D Am C F Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM D Am C Involving a tug-of-love custody battle; F D Am C F D Am C F Stockard Channing held sway. D Am C Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots F Without due care or attention D Am C I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette F D Am C F D Am C F I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin. D Am C F D Am C F Fat kids with sausage rolls, poor sods conducting polls. D Am C F D Am C F There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets. D Am I try to put everything into perspective, C F Set it against the scale of human suffering D Am And I thought of the Mugabe government C F And the children of the Calcutta railways D Am C F This works for a while but then I encounter Primark FM D Am C F E Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white. D Am C F D Am C Shite Day, I guess this must be National Shite Day F D Am C This surely must be National Shite Day F D Am C F (Inst D Am C F x8) Don't tell me it's National Shite Day. D Am C F D Am C F D Am C F Float, float on. Float, float on D Am C F D Am C F Barry Herpes. D Am I got a letter from Stringy Bob C F "Still on suicide watch, screws not happy. D Am C Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association F D Am C F Was roundly ignored; what news you?" D Am I felt sorry for him C F He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences D Am C One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary F D Am Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up C F And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool D Am C F D Am C F With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?" D Am C F Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press D Am C F "Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc. D Am C F D Am C F Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest. D Am C F I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills D Am C F To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs D Am C F D Am C F His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow D Am C F I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket D Am C F D Am C F All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark D Am C F E May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob. D Am C F D Am C Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day F D Am C It all points to National Shite Day F D Am C F E Someone's declared it National Shite Day. D Am C F D Am C Shite Day, my birthday on National Shite Day F D Am C No bog roll, it's National Shite Day F D Am C F (D Am C F to fade) Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.