Frank Zappa - The Poodle Lecture - Текст песни

Artist: Frank Zappa
Title: The Poodle Lecture 
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FZ: 

In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big 
mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called 
WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the 
reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted 
to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle 
used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all 
over its small piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the 
poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do 
too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.) 

Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the 
regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the 
poodle, 
didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the 
olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter 
than the MAN. 

Guy In The Audience: 

You're the best! 

FZ: 

That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting 
my story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? 
Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen: 

The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is 
true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything 
to get some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over 
him. 

In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said:
"I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice 
things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a 
pair of zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.) 

And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out 
and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for 
about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden 
and gave that money to the WO-MAN. 

The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to 
the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encusted 
tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his 
job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. 
Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of 
the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and 
gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too 
goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular 
nowadays. And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. 
Let me get a little uh, visual aid . . . 

Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took 
a little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. 
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call 
Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his 
mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the 
dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she 
said to the dog? She said: