Frank zappa (guitar, synclavier) Steve vai (guitar) Ray white (guitar, vocals) Tommy mars (keyboards) Chuck wild (piano) Arthur barrow (bass) Scott thunes (bass) Jay anderson (string bass) Ed mann (percussion) Chad wackerman (drums) Ike willis (vocals) Terry bozzio (vocals) Dale bozzio (vocals) Napoleon murphy brock (vocals) Bob harris (vocals) Johnny "guitar" watson (vocals) Rhonda: (stage whisper) Harry, this is not dream girls! Harry: (stage whisper) They told me it had c-c-colored folk in it, rhonda, and thats always a sure sign of good, solid, musical entertainment! how was I supposed to know theyd be this ugly? Rhonda: They pissed on us, harry! they fuckin pissed on us! look at my fox! Harry: I know, dear...but they pissed on me too...he did say they were incontinent! Rhonda: Just smell this! I think we should get out of here before they do something else to us! Harry: Leave? now? at these ticket prices? just hold your horses...it probably wasnt real piss... only theater piss...they probably have a formula... some special stuff...comes right outta the fur w Oolite. Rhonda: Whats happened to broadway, harry? used to be you could come to one of these things and the wind would be rushing down the plain or a fairy on a string would go over the audience...but now! har Ask you: is this entertainment? Harry: Youre absolutely correct, dear! so far we havent seen a single good-looking pair of legs...a single sequin-encrusted whatchamacallit ...no firm, rounded breasts! this show is a disaster, rhond Complete and utter disaster! Thing-fish: Mmmm! say dere...hey! umm-hmm! thass right! hey you! you two ugly white folks...over heahhh! As you know, de presence of carboniferous hard-core unemployables has genrally, in de historical past, guaranteed an evenin of upliftin frolic and cavortment...itd be a shame fo yall tmiss On dis here one! got some nice chairs fo ya, rights ovuh heahhh. Harry & rhonda rise, cross to thing-fish, and sit in the chairs he offers. they are immediately chained to them by the mammies. Harry: Uhhh...beg pardon? whats going on here? Rhonda: Oh! theyre touching me! harry! harry! harry! harry, do something! theyre putting chains on me! Ill be stuck to the chair! oh! whatll I do? Ill miss intermission! Harry: Theyre only theater chains, rhonda! just some sort of... Rhonda: These are real goddam chains, harry, and theyre not gonna come off with woolite! Harry: I dont mind the way they feel...they dont bother me, honey...relax! go with the flow... Rhonda: Harry, you are an over-educated shit-head! Thing-fish: Look here, folks...dis only fo yo own protexium! once we gets rollin heah, things be happnin all over de place dat could prove dangerous to persons not previously acquainted wit de san quentim - potatoes! Rhonda: I want the wind to come rushing down the plain! I want fairies on a string over the audience! I want real broadway entertainment! feathers! spot-lights! guilt! hours upon hours of guilt! about m Her! about my father! about brave women, suffering at the hands of infantile, insensitive, dominating men! and what do I get? a potato-headed jig-a-boo with catholic clothes on! incomprehensible Lips! weak bladders draining through abnorminably large organs! jesus, harry! what the fuck is going on here? Harry: Simmer down! if youll just roll with the punches...and dont rock the boat, Im sure well have a lovely evening at the theater! Thing-fish: Thass right! we got fairies on a string fo yo ass jes a little later! meanwhile, I blieves yall requires some updatement on de co-log-nuh situatium! sister obdewlla x! express yoseff!