NUMBERS Recorded by Bobby Bare Written by Shel Silverstein G D I was sittin' here Friday suppin' on a glass of wine G When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind C She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine D G On a scale of ONE to TEN (pause) I'd give her a NINE. G D Now on my scale there ain't no TEN's, you know G NINE is about as far as any chick can go C So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me D G So for brains and good judgement, give her a THREE. G D I said, hey sweet thing, you look like a possible EIGHT G You and me could, uh! make EIGHTEEN, if your head's on straight C She looked up and down my perfect frame D G And said these words that burned into my perfect brain. G D She said, well, another one of those macho Texas men G Tryin' to grade all women on scales of ONE to TEN C And, uh!, you give me an EIGHT, well, that's a generous thing to do D G Now, let's just see, just how much I give you. (CHANGE TO KEY OF A) A E She said you comin' on to me with that phony NUMBERS jive A Your style makes me smile, I give it a FIVE D When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores) E A It's last year's double knit-french cuffs, give it a FOUR. A E That must be your car parked out on the curb A That 'SIXTY-NINE homemade convertible, A THREE and A THIRD D I saw that build, I guess (yore) less than FIVE E A Said, for your pot belly, I'd give that a TEN for size. A E That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you A But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a TWO D It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth E A I give it a SIX, you could use some dental work. A E But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh A It may be a TEN to these country hens, but to me a THREE and A HALF D And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done E A And since there ain't no ZEROes, I give you a ONE. A E She walked out, while up and down the line A The whole bar was laughin', sayin' BARE, what happened to your NINE D NINE says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew E A She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a TWO. (TALK) Yeah! No matter how good they look at first There's flaws in all of them That's why on a scale of TEN to ONE, friend There ain't no TEN.